


Dirty texts (and laundry)

by Kai_Lu



Series: Crystalline Lilac [2]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Attempt at Humor, I Don't Even Know, I am very tired, M/M, Murder, Post-Black Organization Takedown, Post-Conan Kudou Shinichi, Robbery, Tags Are Hard, Unreliable Narrator, a grammatical mess, another prompt fic, i also made shinichi adopt a cat, kaishin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Lu/pseuds/Kai_Lu
Summary: Shinichi knew that from the very moment he was woken up by the sun screaming into his eyes, was that he was not going to have a good day.He was very much correct on this.





	Dirty texts (and laundry)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheHoleyPitt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHoleyPitt/gifts).



> Based on this:  
> 《talk dirty to me》  
> 《I’m not wearing any underwear because you never put the fucking laundry in the fucking dryer like I asked you to 100 fucking times.》

Shinichi knew that from the very moment he was woken up by the sun screaming into his eyes, was that he was not going to have a good day.

He was very much correct on this.

Rolling over, he noticed that the space beside him was void of a warm body, instead, it was replaced with a note card with sloppy handwriting. Shinichi didn’t bother - more like he was too tired - to read it, choosing to toss it away somewhere in the room for later.

Maybe it was one of Kaito’s trick cards or something. Shinichi wouldn’t be surprised if the magician kept them on him 24/7 - considering that Kaito sleeps with his Kid gun in the bedside drawer. Shinichi had found that out the hard way.

(Back when the two had finally gotten together after the whole fiasco with Kaito getting hospitalised due to a reckless act of heroics, Shinichi was the one who asked Kaito if he had wanted to live together. Of course, Shinichi explained that since they were attending the same university and all, plus the fact that the two were dating, it would be more convenient in the long run. Kaito had only rolled his eyes at the stuttered explanation and whole-heartedly agreed. Instantly taking up the offered proposal.

The first night of sleeping together – just sleeping, nothing going on there – Shinichi had needed to leave to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But when he had attempted to crawl back into the bed, he had accidentally jostled Kaito. And Kaito, with some sort of primal instinct, had swiftly pinned Shinichi to the floor in a relentless choke hold and aimed the muzzle of the Kid gun to his face.

The next day was spent by Kaito profusely apologising over and over again, and Shinichi having to deal with Haibara’s teasing jabs of ‘the two lovers getting a bit excited on their first night – or maybe it wasn’t their first.’ But thank god for the appearance of the children, which stopped her from continuing.)

Anyway, Shinichi had to get up.

And like any other university student who was either 1) disorganised and not having it, 2) overworked and tired, 3) trying to multitask everything or 4) all of the above; Shinichi began his morning routine by literally rolling out of bed, and onto his local clothes pile on the ground.

(Normally, Shinichi is quite the tidy fellow – this being drilled into his head by Ran, who had practically mothered him during his two years as Conan – but with the recent increase in murders and upcoming deadlines, he had decided to abandon all priorities that were not in his top three. His cases, assignments and cat – all in that order. He adores his cat Domino very much. Domino is more important than sleep. Sleep is only ranked number five, surprisingly. Kaito was also very offended with being ranked as number four.)

Groaning, he reluctantly rose and shuffled his way to the bathroom, stepping around the clothes that littered the floor.

“I need to toss these in the wash once I get back.”

>ㅇㅅㅇ<

Now rejuvenated, to some extent, Shinichi made a beeline towards the kitchen. He most absolutely needed some coffee before he had to willingly make himself suffer through another lecture on the theory of quantum tunnelling and to listen to Hattori’s complaints on said topic.

(Yes, Shinichi was just _fortunate_ enough to be the Osakan’s seatmate. He absolutely _loved_ receiving texts at 2:13 am asking whether or not the essay on redox and kinetic theory could be further explained with quantum tunnelling. Just. What the fuck Heiji. Go to bed. Stop overthinking. And go to _all_ of your lectures – stop skipping them to make more time to add more word vomit to your essays due the same day. Your attendance is already fucked eight ways into the next century.)

A soft mewl brought Shinichi out of his mental rant and onto the furry being that was currently perched on the kitchen bench top.

“Morn-“ catching a glimpse of the clock, Shinichi corrected himself, “Afternoon Domino.”

Receiving a meow in response, Shinichi decided that it was best for him to return to his quest of brewing himself some nice, concentrated black coffee. He knew that he would definitely need it. No respectable Kudou would step out of their house without at least 58% of caffeine in their veins.

But unfortunately for Shinichi, he had forgotten something important.

>ㅇㅅㅇ<

And just like that, Shinichi’s decent mood was very much destroyed when his lecture was interrupted by an urgent knocking at the door. Obviously, there stood Takagi-keiji, intimidated by the two giant whiteboards that were covered in equations and shorthanded notes. Shinichi had swiftly silenced Hattori’s snickers with a brick-sized calculator to the face. The Osakan did not appreciate it at all.

The lecturer sighed, already used to the routine and waved for Shinichi, who was already standing, to follow the police detective out. Shinichi also let out a sigh and gave an apologetic smile to the lecturer for the interruption.

(The lecturer was just in the middle of enthusiastically explaining how stellar fusion, as the name suggests, occurred in stars, and was about to go onto another full-blown tangent that could end up with the students learning about why Isaac Newton had a nervous breakdown in 1692.)

Taking this opportunity to escape, Shinichi quickly power-walked out of the room with Takagi in tow. It was once that they were in the car that Shinichi spoke to Takagi – slightly feeling guilty of not talking to the man sooner.

“So, Takagi-keiji, what’s the situation?”

Takagi blinked at the sudden address but pulled out his notebook to inform Shinichi of the current situation.

“We got a report of a body. Kitagawa Keiko, aged 21, died most likely via asphyxiation but was disguised as drowning. She was reported missing thirteen days ago by her elder sister and who was currently out of town for the week visiting their grandparents when she went missing.” Shinichi nodded, face pensive and gestured for the officer to continue. “The body was found floating in the fountain of Yoyogi park by a couple who were walking by. They gave matching witness reports that they didn’t see anyone suspicious nearby and at first thought of it as a morbid prank being played until they recognised her as one of the missing persons on the news.”

“I see… Have we gotten a toxicology report yet?”

Takagi shook his head, “Not yet, forensics have just started to run it through. We weren’t able to immediately retrieve the body because apparently, someone caused an uproar online and brought the media running over for a look. It took us nearly an hour for them to leave. We’ve also had to ask communications to go check it out, and they came back with screenshots of someone declaring that Kitagawa’s death was just the beginning of a killing spree.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Shinichi frowned, “Were you able to find the person who said that?”

“Unfortunately not, it seemed to have initially appeared in an anonymous group chat of sorts for a tabloid site and was then shared through the screenshots by netizens. The original comment was already removed by then.”

“So it was untraceable?”

“Yep.”

Exhaling at the loss of a lead, Shinichi decided to dwell in the current silence of the car, thinking about the current situation with the body, whereas Takagi returned to fully concentrating on driving. However, this mutual silence between the two was shattered by the sound of Shinichi’s phone going off. The customise text tone from a video game had identified the person as Kaito.

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《shin-chan im bored :((((((_ _》_

_《plz entertain meeeeeee_ _》_

_《are u ignoring me_ _》_

_《wait_ _》_

_《did u alrdy read it????_ _》_

Ignoring Kaito’s pleas for entertainment, Shinichi sent back a reply to the latest message.

**To.**

**Kaito:**

_《Read what?_ _》_

The reply back was instantaneous, as if Kaito had been impatiently waiting and staring at his phone the entire time. What a brat.

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《so u hvnt right_ _》_

Shinichi was about to send a reply until Takagi’s in-built radio flared to life. Police codes being about something to do with an armed robbery. Great.

>ㅇㅅㅇ<

If anyone were to ask, Shinichi was having a _splendid_ day. So, not only was he called out of one of his lectures – even though it was quite boring, to begin with, and Shinichi wasn’t exactly a huge fan of quantum tunnelling – but on the way to a crime scene, which was the original reason to why he was called from his university, there was an on route report of an armed robbery that required all active officers. And with Shinichi’s luck, he tagged along with Takagi who apologised profusely for the detour.

Time skip ahead, the police had to chase the obviously suspicious armoured vehicle through the streets of Tokyo. It was due to reckless driving and fried nerves, that the van had taken a dive over the edge of a bridge – fortunately, it was a small one.

This resulted in Shinichi being a reckless idiot and jumping off the bridge to rescue one of the criminals, who was still stuck in the van. Luckily, Shinichi had enough rationale left to leave his phone and keys in Takagi’s car so at least he had a method of contacting people or being able to enter his home.

(Though, he was pretty sure that the hidden doorway that Kaito had decided to add to the Kudou manor’s exterior was still accessible and could be used. Whilst crazy and unnecessary at the time - who knows when you will come to the time where you need to enter your home through a hidden passageway in the walls. Props to Kaito for that one.)

While Shinichi was able to successful fish out and apprehend the criminal, he was soaked to the bone and the weather was currently in its cooling phase. Not a good combination, especially with someone with a shot immune system.

Takagi stood awkwardly from the side, a towel ready as an offering.

“Kudou-kun, would you like a lift?”

“Please…”

>ㅇㅅㅇ<

Now less wet and towelled dry, Shinichi had to scurry out of the warmth of the bathroom in search for clothes. But after several minutes of side-stepping old shirts and cat toys, Shinichi could not find the final article of clothing that he needed. His underwear.

In denial, Shinichi underwent another search, in hopes for a pair of undergarments. Firstly though, he quickly hung up his towel and tossed on an oversized shirt. He did not want to run around nude, even if it was in his room because call him paranoid but who knows who or what could be watching. Well, that or somebody like his mother, even though she and his father were currently exploring some secluded landmark, would barge into his room without a warning. Shinichi most definitely did not want to try and explain that. And the worst case scenario would be that Haibara was, for some unknown reason, checking up on her once-guinea pig and would end up seeing more than necessary.

Shinichi may be considered a level of weird and eccentric by his close circle of friends, but he would not, under any circumstances, leave his home without wearing his underwear. Hell, he was even willing to go for the stupid Kaitou Kid themed boxers that Hattori got for him as a gag gift a while back. However, Shinichi was not at the point of being desperate enough to borrow his father’s underwear – curse even the thought of using his mother’s underwear. He had already searched through the disaster that was Kaito’s drawer and found no spares either.

But, it was during the midst of his second or third search for underwear that Shinichi stumbled upon a familiar note. The very same note he found when he had woken up and tossed to some random corner of the room.

Looking at it closer, Shinichi began to read it aloud to himself and his audience of one – Domino, who was curious to why his owner was stumbling around his room in a, luckily, oversized shirt.

“’Good afternoon, Shin-chan (Duh, of course, you would wake up after noon, I would be offended if you thought that I wouldn’t know that by now). There is an emergency at the theatre right now so I’ve got to dash. Pity though, I was looking forward to sharing breakfast.’” Shinichi rolled his eyes, “Idiot we share breakfast nearly every day. ‘Anyway, apparently the rigging came undone and some of the lights fell. Luckily, no one was injured. But it really spooked the juniors and I need to come in and help out with the damage control because one of the lights actually crushed some of Minako’s props and she is freaking out (it’s the Minako who had a meltdown because she accidentally said ‘Thank you’ when one of my doves accidentally flew smack bang into her face – that one, well, I don’t think you would forget that anytime soon though). But still, it was super important so I had to run out straight away. I didn’t have time to do anything else. Sorry. So, hopefully, all goes well and I can get back home before lunch. Love, Kaito.’”

Raising an eyebrow, Shinichi frowned at the note. There was also a little postscript at the bottom that mentioned something about wishing for no rain. But Shinichi wasn’t concerned over the strange addition. Usually, when Kaito was to vanish before Shinichi would wake up, it would obviously be for a very good reason so there would have been no need to clarify himself with a note. An unnecessarily lengthy one at that.

“So why this time….”

Shuffling over to his clutter desk, Shinichi tried to find his phone. Maybe Kaito was going to further elaboration on the note when he had earlier asked if Shinichi had read it yet.

Luckily, his phone hadn’t been consumed by the files occupying the entirety of the desk’s surface. When he turned it on the entire lock screen was covered in messages from Kaito. Ones sent in the span for seconds and others between several minute intervals. So, unlocking the phone, Shinichi scrolled up to the last message he had sent before being dragged into the robbery.

**To.**

**Kaito:**

_《Read what?_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《so u hvnt right_ _》_

_《then nvm_ _》_

_《frgt i even said aythig_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《shinichi????_ _》_

_《oi_ _》_

_《u ignrig me agn???_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《actually lowkey concerned_ _》_

_《if u dnt reply in 10 min_ _》_

_《then imma go hack into tha poli radio_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《oof_ _》_

_《hving fun w/ the armed rob??_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《shin-chan u dumbass_ _》_

_《but also_ _》_

_《oOF_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《uhhhhhhhh_ _》_

_《gud luk w/ gttg drsed_ _》_

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《k im bored agin_ _》_

Back to square one, Shinichi was given not any further explanation on the note. Well, other than the magician’s strange concern about whether Shinichi had already read it or not.

“Good luck with getting dressed…?”

Shinichi turned to look at the state of his room. Hundreds of possibilities flew through his head. It was only after five minutes of staring at his laundry that he finally understood.

“Goddammit.”

The realisation had hit him with a sledgehammer. And maybe it was just a coincidence or fate, but just at that very moment, he received another text from Kaito.

**From.**

**Kaito:**

_《talk dirty to me_ _》_

Once those four words registered in his mind. Shinichi began to type out his response with the speed of a mad man. Now, he had understood why Kaito bothered to write such note and had some strange concern on whether Shinichi had read it or not.

**To.**

**Kaito:**

_《I’m not wearing any underwear because you never put the fucking laundry in the fucking dryer like I asked you to 100 fucking times._ _》_

Now Shinichi remembered. It all made sense. The unnecessary note and it’s postscript about wanting it to not rain. It was because of the huge emergency at the theatre, Kaito had to run out earlier than expected, which also meant that he didn’t have any time to move the wet laundry to the dryer. This now resulted in the fact that Shinichi had no clean underwear left.

(This had been an on-going issue with Kaito forgetting to move the laundry to the dryer. Time and time again, when she would go to the laundry to put in the dirty clothes, he would find the previous set still in the wash. Obviously, there was nothing wrong with forgetting once or twice. But it was definitely not okay when it would happen every second week.

After the first five times, Shinichi was just about ready to set Domino on the damn magician. But this was the first time Shinichi was stuck in the situation that he did not have any spare underwear. Still, he was not that desperate enough to wear his father’s or mother’s. Plus, even if he wanted to, they were probably gathering dust in their unused wardrobes.

And Shinichi did not want to call up Haibara to go buy him some – she would hold this over his head for the rest of his very pathetic life. So going commando it was.)

Staring at the mess of the room, Shinichi exhaled and sent another message.

**To.**

**Kaito:**

_《Good luck making dinner._ _》_

Still slightly fuming, Shinichi muted and powered off his phone – tossing it into some random pile of clothing in the room. He would have to throw it into the washing machine later – that is, once Kaito got his own ass into gear to move the wet clothes to the dryer.

Shinichi then did the only thing he could whilst dressed without his underwear. He went back to bed, despite it only being four in the afternoon. Sleep was bumped up from priority number five to four. Kaito had lost his privileges. He was now number six. Lower than occasional instigated social interaction.

Shinichi decided to lay down right in the centre of the bed, stealing from Kaito’s abundant pillow collection. And as if summoned by Shinichi’s spite, Domino entered the room – mostly probably entering through another of Kaito’s hidden doors – meowing in curiosity.

Shinichi invited Domino to join him. Shinichi also decided to fuck with Kaito by erasing the magician’s self-proclaimed bed crease. Shinichi would make him suffer. He had also allowed Domino free reign in Kaito apparent ‘bed territory’, letting the feline shred on the pillow, covering it in a thick layer of black and white fur.

 

Omake

Since receiving Shinichi’s angry text, Kaito had been apprehensive of returning to the Kudou manor. But with Shinichi’s additional remark of wishing Kaito good luck in making dinner, Kaito knew that it was impossible for him to escape. It was practically a warning that he had to return home, or else.

Once completing his business at the theatre, Kaito reluctantly made his way home. Not desiring to face Shinichi’s wrath, Kaito crept through the hallways with notable skill – afraid the smallest sound would set the detective into another fit of rage.

When he finally reached their shared room, the sight before him made him melt at the endearment but choke in betrayal. There in the centre of their bed laid Shinichi, only dressed in an oversized shirt that had gently draped itself over his prone form, hugging several pillows to his body.

If Kaito wasn’t in such a situation, he would not have hesitated in going over and greeting the detective with a kiss. But because he was, he knew that the chances of him receiving any forms of divine punishment had greatly increased.

Kaito also felt horrible betrayal at Domino who was curled up beside Shinichi ‘s head. The damn cat’s fur was all over his pillow stash.

Kaito never liked that cat anyway. He swore that sometimes Shinichi would have Domino’s welfare take precedence over Kaito’s. That was not fair. Domino had wandered into their lives only a couple of months ago. That was way shorter than Kaito and Shinichi’s beautiful relationship of two-plus years – starting from their initial clash at the clocktower.

The reason that they had Domino in the first place was because little Ayumi had found the thing abandoned in the park and couldn’t bear to let the thing go. So of course, Shinichi being the charitable person he was, adopted the furball. And curses, Shinichi had taken an instant liking to the little demon.

So Kaito would not back down and lose to Domino. No way in hell.

**Author's Note:**

> yES I MADE KAISHIN HAVE A CAT HAAAAA also because I really want a cat. But if anyone is curious, Domino is a tuxedo cat - which is very inspired by sylph-feather's Curiosity Made the Cat. Check it out if you haven't. It is high qUALITY STUFF.  
> \-----------------------------------  
> Also, the rant about quantum tunnelling with Heiji is all based on Scheherazade doing the exact same to me. (Well it wasn't 2 am but boy my eyes were failing me at the time and unconsciousness seemed pretty great). Because, I love you Scheherazade - I am also 100% open to being very gay with you - but dude. No. Quantum tunnelling has nothing to do with Redox. Stop overthinking and go to sleep. (She also needs to stop skipping actual school days to work on her assignments that are due the next day.)  
> \-----------------------------------  
> Please let me know if there are any errors!  
> Leave a Kudou (or a Kuroba - I'm not picky) if you liked it.  
> Comments are greatly appreciated as well :)


End file.
